


I need a little sugar in my bowl

by Maedelmae



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Absent John Winchester, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotionally Hurt Dean, Food Anxiety, Food Issues, Hospitals, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, No Romance, Pickpockets, Shoplifting, Stealing, Stress, Teen Dean Winchester, Young Dean Winchester, Young Sam Winchester, Young Winchesters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 01:13:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10547526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maedelmae/pseuds/Maedelmae
Summary: Sam and Dean have been left behind by their father without their knowledge. Dean is trying to help Sam appear normal but the stress, anxiety and depression that goes along with bad situations is weighing him down.Or: John leaves, Dean steals, and Sam is blissfully and aggravatingly ignorant.Dean is 13-14, Sam is 9-10, Gabe is 12, Cas is 14(Title is after Nina Simone's "I need a little sugar in my bowl)





	1. I need a little sugar in my bowl

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is my first work in the fandom so please tell me if I've gotten any details wrong, feel free to leave suggestions advice or corrections along with your opinions about this fic. 
> 
> Thanks guys
> 
> Also note that relationships aren't a part of this, there is a reason for that.

He woke up with a start. Sweat drenched his thin body and the sheets surrounding it. At first he was confused as to why he woke, and a quick glance around the latest motel room they were staying in portrayed nothing out of sorts. He listened cautiously for any foreign noises but nothing. 

He threw the sheets off of himself and hung his legs off the bed. Everything was fine. That made him feel uneasy, nothing was ever fine. He set both feet on the ground and pushed off the bed when he felt it. A hot searing pain ripped through his stomach. He crumpled to the floor with a whimper at the unexpected affliction. He crawled to the bathroom as silently as he could so as not to wake his sleeping brother in the bed next to his. 

Once in the bathroom, he propped himself on the edge of the tub and pulled his shirt up to examine his aching abdomen. Everything seemed normal apart from his all to visible ribs. He realized all to soon what the cause of his distress was. 

He was hungry. 

He sat there trying to get his thoughts together. Trying to determine how to fix this problem without Sam knowing. This wasn't the first time it had happened. It was the usual "dad leaving without leaving enough money and God knows when he will be back and Sam keeps complaining about the lack of food and I keep giving Sam my portions because the kid is too thin for someone his age". He ran a shaky hand through his short hair and sighed weakly. He hadn't eaten in a few days and Sam was getting more demanding with needing money for school activities so he could "at least appear normal". Dean tried his hardest to budget things, but it had been almost two months since his dad left and they had nothing but three crumpled dollar bills and a handful of dirty pennies Dean had found in odd places (who would leave pennies in a medicine cabinet and in a mini fridge??). 

He came up with a few maybe-pile-worthy ideas and walked back into the dark motel room and sat on his bed quietly. He laid down and shut his eyes hoping for at least one hour of restless sleep because it was better than sitting there in the dark getting depressed. 

\----------

His wish was granted and he woke up two hours later when Sam turned on the shower to get ready for school. Dean sat there for a second running the maybe-pile ideas and eliminating the worst ones in favor of a good thrown-together-last-second-panic plan. 

He walked Sam to the elementary school building but instead of going into the middle school building like he was supposed to, he walked back to the motel room and grabbed two of the three pathetic dollars and a bag that appeared to be full of stuff but was actually just a few knives and a towel to give it volume. 

He walked to the super center store a few miles away, the bigger the store the less he would stand out. He strolled in through the automatic sliding doors and grabbed a cart before inconspicuously wandering to a rather deserted isle in the food section. He started loading small things into the cart; a few small cans, a loaf of bread, jar of peanut butter. He made his way to the bathrooms in the back and took the contents of the cart in with him.  He took the towel out of his bag and discarded it on the counter as he started loading things in the bag. Once it looked alright he threw the towel into the trash can relunctantly and pushed his way out of the bathroom and walked past his discarded cart as he made his way to the instant noodle isle. He grabbed a couple of packages and set off towards the self checkouts. He paid for the noodles and made his way out one dollar poorer but a bag of food richer. He considered it a victory and walked home to put the food away. 

\--------

The thrill of stealing wore off as the food wore thin and he realized he would have to do it again. He stashed the last of the remaining cans away and prepared for another "shopping trip". This time he grabbed a bigger bag, determined to snag a half gallon of milk and maybe a fruit or two for Sam. He did the same as last time, but this time he grabbed the milk, a few oranges, a bag of frozen vegetables and a bunch of instant noodles. He grabbed a can of vegetables marked half off (fifty cents!!) and proceeded to check out and walk home in a hurry. 

As he put the food away, he gently stashed the can of vegetables and a couple packs of the noodles where he had put the other stashed canned foods. 

\-------- 

He kept this routine for another month, going "shopping" once a week. He stopped worrying about the food problem and slowly his food stash was growing. Each week he grew more daring and stole eggs, fresh produce, even ice cream (although it started melting on the trek back).  

Sam didn't question the abundance of food, and dean didn't make any points about it. 

However, John had been gone for over three months and Dean started growing worried. He wanted to call him, but he was afraid of the consequences. Last time he had tried to call john about something (john thought was) unimportant,  he got back handed. (It was actually because the money ran low (john told Dean to find some real problems)). He didn't want a repeat of that so he figured he would just sit there and deal with the anxiety that arises when you are waiting on the uncertain. 

Dean had been training himself to pick pockets as well, and he was getting pretty good. Years spent training to become a hunter greatly helped with his quest to steal for the benefit of whiny nine year old Sam. 

He didn't bring any money with him to the mall that day. He was testing the waters of the never ending crowd that places like the mall couldn't seem to shake. The bundles of people in groups mixed with lone shoppers made for pick pocketing paradise and Dean's mouth almost watered at the prospect of having money for once. He walked around for a bit before finding the perfect target. A guy a little bit older than him was walking alone with a bunch of bags; a thick looking wallet hanging out of his pocket. Dean crept up behind him and grabbed the wallet silently and stopped, working his way into the sea of people before excitedly walking to the bathroom. The bathroom was delightfully deserted and he made his way over to the counter and looked into the wallet. He found fifty dollars inside and pocketed it. He left the cards alone and walked out, leaving the wallet there.


	2. I want a little sweetness down in my soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's downfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How y'all liking it so far?? 
> 
> Again, feel free to leave comments, suggestions or point out mistakes. 
> 
> Thank you

Dean seldom ate anymore. He stored food under his bed and made Sam eat but he just didn't feel hungry. He would sometimes eat dinner with his younger brother, but he just didn't feel like it. He pick pocketed at the mall and stole food from the store so there wasn't any real problem. Except for the fact that John had been gone for five months and the stress and anxiety and depression of it all was crushing Dean. He couldn't focus at school so he simply stopped going. Sam kept asking when John would be home and that alone crushed Dean. He called John a month ago and it went straight to voicemail so he tried calling John's five other phones and they also went to voicemail. He was tempted to call bobby but a voice in his head (that sounded suspiciously like a yelling John) told him it was a bad idea. 

\--------

Deans ribs were once again prominent as he grew weaker and almost bedridden, unable to pick pocket or steal food. 

It had been six going on seven months since John left. Dean had tried several more times to get ahold of him to no avail. Nasty thoughts clawed their way into Dean's head; things like "he left you" "he is off with a new family" "he decided that useless people like you aren't worth keeping around". Dean grew more depressed.

Sam spent a lot of time with friends he had made long ago and was seldom home. He was a year older (as was dean) but when he was home he would either complain about everything and make Dean feel inadequate; or he would talk about his best friend, a rather short boy a couple years older than him named Gabriel making Dean feel even more lonely and inadequate. 

Along with spending time with friends, Sam soon forgot about his absent father and a slowly wasting away Dean. He went over to the motel room only to grab clothes, didn't stop to eat the food dean had stolen for him, or take a shower in the bathroom dean cleaned for him, didnt acknowledge the fact that Dean was developing bed sores and probably hadn't eaten in awhile, his skin a sickly pale colour. 

Dean tried to talk to Sam, but Sam either ignored him or didn't hear him (dean really hoped it was the latter). Dean couldn't do anything anymore, couldnt get up to get water, couldn't get up to eat, stopped needing to use the bathroom. His body was shutting down rapidly and no one was there to acknowledge it. 

\------- 

Sam was with Gabriel. They walking around with Gabriel's big brother Castiel. No destination in mind, just a lazy stroll through town. Sam had remembered that he needed to grab something from the motel and asked Gabe and Cas if they could swing by so he could pick it up. They both agreed, after all they didn't have a purpose for walking and it would in no way disable the activity they were previously engaged in. They slowly made their way to the motel. 

Sam opened the door, it was unlocked. (It was always unlocked). He paid no mind to that little fact and made his way inside, the two brothers following. Sam flicked on a light and they could see that on the bed was Dean, unmoving. Sensing nothing amiss, sam made his way over to his seemingly asleep brother. He shook him once, he shook him twice. Nothing. Not even a stir.   
"Dean?" He shook him once more. More nothing.   
"Dean?!" Sam started to panic. Gabe and Cas made their way over to the bed to see what was wrong. The sight of the dead looking boy laying in the bed was disturbing Gabe, Cas leaned forward to look for a pulse. He found a weak pulse, but a pulse nonetheless.   
"He still has a pulse, but its weak." He turned to his brother, "Gabe, call an ambulance." He looked at Sam,  "do you know how long he has been like this?" Sam, with tears in his eyes shook his head. Gabe came back a second later.   
"An ambulance is coming." Cas nodded and looked back to the person in the bed, he looked young but old. His pale complexion made the freckles sprinkled on his face pop. It was all very unsettling.   
"I take it this is your brother?" Castiel asked the weepy Sam. Sam sniffed and nodded.   
"How could this have happened?" Sam asked no one. Castiel still shook his head despite the question not needing an answer. A few silent minutes passed and then a knock at the door. Gabe got up and answered the door. The EMT's were let in and informed of the situation as they kneeled next to and examined Dean. A few things were spoken amongst themselves as they finished the examination, one of them went back out to the truck and came back with a stretcher. Everything was rushed but slow at the same time. They loaded Dean onto the stretcher and they all clambered into the back of the ambulance. The sirens were turned on and they were at the hospital in a couple of minutes. Dean was immediately carted away for treatment. Cas turned to Sam   
"Do you have anybody to call?"   
"Well I could try calling dad, but I doubt he would pick up. I could probably call uncle Bobby, he usually picks up." Cas nodded, not questioning why their dad wasn't there or why he wouldn't pick up the phone.   
"Go call your uncle Bobby, Gabe and I will wait here." Sam nodded and walked towards the pay phones. 

He came back five minutes later.   
"He's an hour away but he said he was coming." Castiel nodded. Gabe patted the seat next to him and Sam sat; his head resting on Gabe's shoulder as Gabe ran a hand over his back in an obvious attempt to calm him down. It seemed to work and Sam fell asleep on his shoulder. 

An hour went by. A gruff looking man with a baseball cap walked in the waiting room and looked around. He spotted a sleeping sam and made his way over to the three boys. Gabe shook Sam awake when he saw the man walking over. Dam groggily looked around before recognizing the man. He jumped up, tears in his eyes before he ran to Bobby.   
"Uncle Bobby, thank god you're here." He embraced the man.   
"No problem boy, now where's that old man of yours?" He inquired.   
"Don't know. He's been gone for awhile though." Bobby cursed under his breath. They both sat down.   
"What happened with Dean?" Sam started tearing up again.   
"I d-dont k-know un-uncle Bobby!" He cried. Bobby put a hand on his shoulder.   
"Don't worry boy, I'm sure he'll be fine, he always is." Sam just nodded and rubbed at his eyes. Gabe rubbed his back with one hand again as Cas sat there awkwardly watching the scene unfold.   
"Dean Winchester's family" both Bobby and Sam jumped up, as well as Gabe and Cas.   
"How is he doc?" Bobby asked.   
"You are all family right?" They all nodded.  The doctor sighed, "follow me". They all followed him to a hospital room. Dean was in the single bed in the room, his pale face almost matching the bed sheets. An IV was sticking out of his right arm, a cannula and feeding tube in his nose. Several perched on his chest leading to a nearby heart monitor, a clip was on his finger. 

He looked weak. 

The group gathered in the room. The doctor started listing his problems:  
Severe malnutrition   
Severe dehydration   
Severe vitamin D, C, A and iron deficiency.   
He went on saying that it was a close call and that had it been a day later, Dean would have died. Sam was crying at this point, his eyes never leaving Dean's frail figure. The doctor left, he had other patients. Cas, Gabe, Sam and Bobby sat down in chairs around the bed. Sam grabbed Dean's hand in his, shocked at how cold it was. Gabe and Cas eventually had to leave, but not before offering their condolences for what had happened. Bobby stepped out in the hallway to make a phone call to someone regarding a mystery topic. Sam continued to hold Dean's hand and sit there, he was not going to let this happen again. 

\---------

It had been a week since Dean was admitted to the hospital. He hadn't woken up but some of his color returned. There was still the mystery of where John went and how Dean had gotten to this point in the first place. Sam had been stubborn about getting up to do anything while Dean was asleep. After two days of catatonic sleep, Sam gave up and left, although it was only temporary.


	3. I could stand some lovin' oh so bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deans eventual recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be the last chapter. 
> 
> How is it so far?? 
> 
> I wrote this in the middle of the night but i take great pride in my work do i hope its not too terrible. Some of the stuff in this work I've had to do before so some of it is based off my personal experience. 
> 
> Thank you all for taking your time to read it 
> 
> The work title along with the song title are from Nina Simone's "I want a little sugar in my bowl" which is a great song by a great woman so I highly suggest checking it out.
> 
> Thank you all again

Dean woke up a week and a half after being taken to the hospital. Sam was asleep in the chair next to the bed, his hand in Dean's, his head on the mattress. He looked around, unsurprised by the fact he was in the hospital. What did surprise him though was Bobby walking through the door to the hospital room. 

Bobby looked just as surprised as he probably did.   
"Yer awake."  
"Yep."  
"What happened?"  
"Don't really remember sir."  
"Alright boy, but you better be telling the truth. Now where's that dad a yers?" Bobby dropped himself into another chair by his bed.    
"I don't know sir, last I heard, he was going a few states over to hunt a djinn. He's been gone almost 8 months now."  
Bobby nodded, remebering that he heard somewhere along the grapevine that john had taken on a djinn but that was about it.   
"I think your daddy's disappeared." Dean nodded.   
"I figured that out awhile ago when i could reach him after the fifth time calling."  
"Why didn't you call me?" Dean shrugged.   
"How long have I been here?"   
"A week and a half."  
"Oh." At this point Sam decided to wake up.   
"Dean!" Sam started crying.   
"Oh you're killing me with the waterworks, Sammy I'm fine." Sam looked at him angrily.   
"You almost died! You aren't fine or else you wouldn't be in the hospital!" Dean laughed and ruffled Sam's hair.   
"You got me there buddy." Sam decided that now was the best time to crush Dean's ribs with a bear hug. Bobby got up from his seat.   
"I'm gonna go let the nurses know yer up."  
"Thanks Bobby." Dean turned his attention back to his brother and hugged him back. He missed this. He missed close contact with someone. He missed his family. He missed what he used to have. He missed the childhood he never had. He missed the friends he's never met.   
He started crying. Sam released him from the hug to look at him before hugging him again as they both cried together for the things they could never have and the life they always wanted. 

They stopped crying just in time for Bobby and the nurse to come back. The nurse checked his vitals and numbers and then left to go get the doctor. The doctor walked in a minute later.   
"Glad to see you among the living." The doctor chucked at her own joke.   
"All jokes aside though, you are lucky to be alive right now. If your brother and his friends didn't find you when they did, you would've died." Dean cringes at this. "You were severely malnourished, dehydrated and had a severe vitamin a, c, and d as well as an iron deficiency. Not to mention you're covered in bed sores." Dean nodded at this. "I have other patients to check on so get better, don't pull anything like this again, okay?" Her smile added to the semi-threat. 

A calm silence washed over the room after the doctor left until Bobby cleared his throat.   
"I've been thinking boys. Would y'all want to live with me until we track down your father?" The boys sat in silent thought for a moment.   
"I'll go with you." Dean said quietly.  
"I want to go with you but I also don't want to leave Gabe." Sam's lip started to quiver as his eyes started to water at the prospect of leaving his friend.   
"Maybe we can work something out Sammy, like maybe you guys can video chat. I've been saving up money so maybe I could get you an iPad, i know you've been wanting one." Dean suggested. Sam perked up at the thought.   
"That sounds like a good idea Dean." They both smiled at each other until Dean yawned.   
"I think I'm gonna take a nap guys." Bobby and Sam laughed.   
"You've been asleep for a week and a half and you wanna take a nap?"   
"Hey, what can I say?" Dean said tiredly, his eyelids starting to droop.   
"Okay, alright." Sam said quietly as Dean fell asleep. 

For once he decided that everything was fine and that that was okay.


End file.
